A house that never stays clean and children who have a mind of their own. What can you do to stay calm?
By Nourin Ibrahim
Abu Dhabi, UAE
You have finally finished the dishes and the kitchen looks tidy, but the surprise waiting for you in the living room raises your blood pressure so much that you lose control over yourself.
The floor you wiped just moments ago is littered with toys, biscuit pieces and juice spilled all over.
Being a mother, the biggest challenge I face is being patient at so many such incidents in everyday life and I believe it’s the same with the majority of us.
Let me admit: I FAIL in most of the cases!
For us, patience is extremely important since Allah has mentioned it several times in the Qur’an and the rewards for it really quite tempting.
وَاصْبِرُوا ۚ إِنَّ اللَّـهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ
and be patient. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.
إِلَّا الَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ أُولَـٰئِكَ لَهُم مَّغْفِرَةٌ وَأَجْرٌ كَبِيرٌ
Except for those who are patient and do righteous deeds; those will have forgiveness and great reward.
Many more such verses enhance the importance of patience.
As Muslimah Mummies, it is very clear to us that being patient is not just about controlling our anger in order to be a good mother, but firstly it is to obey Allah.
Here are some smart tactics to save yourself from regrets:
🎈Absorb the fact that your kids are an amanah from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). This will help you be extra cautious when you are dealing with them.
🎈Understand and keep reminding yourself that there are a whole lot of women doing whatever they can in order to conceive. Being a mother is a gift.
🎈If we are able to live with and take care of our children then we should be more grateful because there are so many mothers who are separated from their little sweethearts for various reasons.
🎈Patiently taking care of little children 24*7 is no easy task. But we can try and with Allah’s help nothing is impossible. Don’t stop making dua.
🎈أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم (I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Shaitaan) is the best dua to stop shaitaan from attacking you.
🎈Health issues or hormonal imbalances can result in physical and mental stress. Keeping a helper or ordering in from a restaurant will definitely give you time to relax.
🎈Managing more than two or three toddlers is real work. If you end up shouting or smacking, don’t hesitate to apologise. A sorry card or simply a tight hug can do wonders, but make sure you tell them you were hurt by their actions.
🎈Be what you want your child to be. They copy what they see.
🎈Most of us must have read the statement : “Excuse the mess, we are making memories”. Yes you are. Treasure the moments.
🎈But also remember: Less mess less stress. To avoid mess create a play area for kids so that the toys stop finding other places to hide.
🎈Children grow up so quickly and with each passing year they become more independent. The present phase of life is passing away so try to grab it in the most beautiful manner.
🎈Children are children. Let them be. Tidying up is essential but don’t get obsessed to the extent that you restrict your children from being themselves.
🎈When you find it difficult to stay patient remind yourself of single mothers or a mother taking care of a disabled child. Our test of patience is nothing compared to theirs.
So, the next time you see spilt water, cushions on the floor or the sofa being used as a trampoline, take a deep breath and say Alhamdullilah.
A final note:
وَالْمَلَائِكَةُ يَدْخُلُونَ عَلَيْهِم مِّن كُلِّ بَابٍ
سَلَامٌ عَلَيْكُم بِمَا صَبَرْتُمْ ۚ فَنِعْمَ عُقْبَى الدَّارِ
… And the angels will enter upon them from every gate, [saying],
“Peace be upon you for what you patiently endured. And excellent is the final home.”
What more do we want?
I pray that you and I be able to make an effort to be more patient. Ameen