Here are some things that can be done when our requests are turned down
By Ismath Khatoon
“But, do you think if you requested your husband to do so, he’d do anything for your parents?”
A sister’s question as a response to the one I raised at the end of my previous article, “Can’t we request our husbands to honour and respect our parents as well?”
Islam is a beautiful religion that honours women and uplifts them in society. It set examples in history of how husbands treated their wives with love, care and respect. However, there are people who get influenced by other cultures and do not follow Islam in some aspects of their lives. So, some of them do not honour and respect their wives.
Narrated Abu Miljaz that Mu’awiyah came out and ‘Abdullah bin Az-Zubair and Ibn Safwan stood for him when they saw him, so he said: “Sit, I heard the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) saying: ‘Whoever wishes that he be received by men standing then, let him take his seat in the Fire.’” (1)
When we see our husbands involved in a similar situation – where our husbands are being greeted and treated in a special manner – we need to do something as it might be a means for them finding a place in hellfire.
Allah says in the Qur’an,
… يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ
O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones,…
This is a command from Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) to all those who believe – protect yourselves and your families from the hellfire, when you see them involved in errors that can lead them to it.
Our husbands have the first right on everything, and so it should be in this case as well. It’s part of our responsibility as a wife to strive hard to ward off any danger from them.
So we should, in fact, request our husbands and always advise them towards good.
What if our requests are turned down?!
Imagine a committed student coming to learn from a teacher and he often sees his teacher on the phone during the lecture. What option does the student have when his teacher ignores his request to turn the phone off during a lecture?
Just like students can take such a complaint to the supervisor, so can we.
And who is a better listener than Allah (سبحانه وتعالى)? Allah responds to the complaint of a woman against her husband in the Qur’an. A ruling was passed in favour of the wife and it was said that the husband had to face the due punishment.
قَدْ سَمِعَ اللَّـهُ قَوْلَ الَّتِي تُجَادِلُكَ فِي زَوْجِهَا وَتَشْتَكِي إِلَى اللَّـهِ وَاللَّـهُ يَسْمَعُ تَحَاوُرَكُمَا ۚ إِنَّ اللَّـهَ سَمِيعٌ بَصِيرٌ
Verily Allah has heard the statement of her, that disputes with you concerning her husband and complains to Allah. And Allah hears the argument between you both. Verily, Allah is all Hearer, All-Seer.
We can complain and place our requests to the All Hearer, Allah ( سبحانه وتعالى ) and while doing so we can take some practical steps:
- Be the role model: Honour and respect the elderly around you.
- Show confidence: Most parents honour sons-in-law to ensure their daughter’s happiness. Explain it to them that it isn’t a part of Islam. Express your sadness upon them giving such undue importance to your husband. Present all the good qualities your husband has and make them realise that even if they do not show such honour, you would still be happy. Show your confidence, courage and capability to deal with things on your husband’s side of the family.
- Create the right environment: Teach children that they need to respect the elderly. Preach to people close to you.
- Break the channels: Do not get involved in your parent’s issues and matters. Block everything that gives unnecessary access to your husband or your in-laws in your parent’s lives.
- Create a balance: Do not disclose everything happening at your parent’s place at home.
- Hate the deed, not the person: Keep requesting your husband in a respectable manner. Continue to love and care for your husbands.
- Be patient and make lots of dua: Make use of this beautiful dua to Allah: Our Lord Bestow upon us from our spouses and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Pious. (Qur’an 25:74)
In sha Allah with da’wah, patience and prayers we will all be guided. Indeed, guidance is upon Allah, and Allah guides those whom He wishes.
I ask Allah to guide us and make us good spouses to each other and unite us in Jannah.